My prayers always went down the same trail in those few days leading up to the surgery. "I just can't surrender my baby to you, Lord...I know I need to...but I can't." No matter where I was able to get through so much praying, being in the Word and quoting Bible verses to myself, it was never there. To the place of complete abandon. I felt like I was in a game of tug-of-war with God, only instead of a rope there was Jude. The love of my life. My amazing, then 6 month old baby...who more than likely wouldn't survive without this surgery.
Then it came. That voice we know so well. That voice no one seems to be able to describe, even though it's the voice that tells you the most meaningful, life-changing, profound things you'll ever hear. "If what you really want for his life is for him to follow me, you have to surrender him to me completely." Talk about big. Of course I want my children to follow Christ...of course I do...but this has nothing to do with that, God. Right? This is BRAIN SURGERY, God...do you realize that?
This went on for awhile, until finally--taking it about a minute at a time--I submitted and trusted God with my boy (the best I could). Fast forward over a year, through a successful surgery and amazing progress with all of his developmental delays. We are beyond blessed. Beyond.
The past couple months, some friends and I have been going through a sermon series from Grace Covenant Church, an Acts29 church in Washington State, called Heritage: Parenting Wisdom for the Ages. This has been rocking my world. One of the most breathtaking concepts so far in this series is this. Our kids will fight and fight to put themselves in the center of the universe, and that if we truly love them, that is the one place we can never let them be.
Now, I have struggled with this with all of my children. I worry myself sick almost daily that I might lose one of them someday. They have all been my idols, my functional gods that I can see and hear and touch. But it has been different with Jude, I guess because I think I have more of a reason to worry about losing him. I've always been sad when my babies weaned, but I cried (a lot) when Jude did. I've always been super paranoid about SIDS and the like when my babies were (and are) little, but I still worry every morning that he just won't wake up. It's been a tough battle, and it's still happening daily. I have to fight (fight him and myself) to drag him out of the center of my universe.
Our kids will fight and fight to put themselves in the center of the universe, and that if we truly love them, that is the one place we can never let them be.
It sounds almost counter-intuitive, but it's one of the most startling truths I've ever heard. You are probably thinking what I thought when I first heard this. "This seems right, but....how do I go about that?? They are already there!"
He also says in this series that our kids don't need to be told ten times a day that they are amazing, they need to be told 100 times a day that God is amazing. This is a great way to take them out of the center of our little universe and put them back where they should be in relation to a Holy God! If we want to show our children their rightful place in the universe, and teach them why they were really created--to bring Him glory--we can start by teaching them how big God really is. I'm finding that everything that comes our way is a chance to teach them about our great and gracious God. Now, am I saying that I always take every single one of these opportunities? Certainly not. But they are there!
Here's to standing in awe of his vastness!
Tiff
"Kids don't need to be told 10 times a day that they are amazing...they need to be told 100 times a day God is AMAZING!"
ReplyDeleteThat is probably the best piece of parenting advice I have heard in a long time!