"I'm going to start grinding my own wheat!!", I yelled in excitement as my husband walked through the door. "Um...okaaaaaay. Why, exactly?" He looked even more puzzled than when I told him we weren't buying store bought bread anymore, or when I told him I wasn't feeding the kids cereal for breakfast anymore. His puzzled expression continued as I opened my mouth to give him an explanation as to why I wanted to grind my own wheat, but struggled to find one. The only reason I could give was that I saw it on a blog.
Now let me say that I don't think it's wrong to think something that someone else is doing looks cool or fun, or to try it yourself. Not at all. I love baking homemade bread, and there's nothing bad about that. What can be bad about it is when I want to "win" at it. Catch my drift? When I decide that we WILL NOT buy bread from the store, because I WILL win the mom contest of bread baking...yeah, that's a problem. It's when it turns into coveting that it becomes a problem. Covet isn't a word that we hear much in this day and age, which may be why it may be a bigger problem than ever. I didn't want to grind my own wheat because of a strong personal conviction that it was best for me and my family...I just wanted to get closer to that unattainable (but constantly pursued), made up persona in my mind of the perfect Susie homemaker mom and wife. I am coveting someone else's life.
So where is the line? How do we find that balance? For me it had to be drastic, I had to take a long break from looking at blogs, get off of Facebook completely, and set boundaries for myself with Pinterest. I also had to pray everyday over specific friendships where I started feeling competitive. I'm not recommending this approach to anyone, really. This is what I felt God was leading me to after praying about it and discussing it thoroughly with my husband. What I would recommend is coming up with a short list of discerning questions to hold yourself accountable. Better yet, find a friend or two and hold each other accountable in this area if you all share the struggle.
Here are a few things I consider when I'm discerning my motives in relation to the "mommy blogosphere":
is this going to require a big change to our lifestyle; and if so, have I discussed it with my husband and prayed about it?
For example, I have been guilty of finding a new discipline and chore system on Pinterest or something, and just rushing to implement it without much consideration of everyone else, or even mentioning it to my husband first. For me this is a red flag, since my actions suggest that my motive is hurrying to measure up to what someone else is doing, rather than taking the time to consider what's best for my family.
when I saw this post/pin, was my initial feeling jealousy, covetousness, or inadequacy?
This should be common sense, right? Not so much for me. You're looking at someone who wept at the sight of another mom's perfectly painted red nails on a sewing tutorial, and then promptly painted not only my fingernails and toenails, but both my daughters' as well. Nothing wrong with that...oh, except for the fact that I was seriously coveting someone's FINGERNAILS.
when I look at and go about my daily "to-dos", do I see myself striving to bring glory to God in all I do--no matter what that may be? or do I think completing a checklist I made will earn God's favor?
My standing with a Holy God is not affected by anything I can do. My standing with Him is eternal and bought with the blood of Christ alone!! I just wish I could live out each day in this truth. Instead, I go down rabbit trails to justify my works based living. "If I don't have my husband's laundry put away every day before he gets home, I'm not honoring him...and by not honoring him, I'm not honoring God because the Bible says I should...so God won't be pleased with me unless I get all the laundry 100% done EVERY SINGLE DAY." Does this sound ridiculous? Because it should. There have been times where I make myself right at home in this thought pattern. I claim to believe that I'm saved by grace through faith, but I live as if I'm justified by my works. I measure my worth against a checklist of homemaking tasks (that I have foolishly created from looking at other peoples' lives online), and therefore have made homemaking my God. I trust my own broken heart and mind, and the broken hearts and minds of others to determine my worth, above trusting the inerrant and eternal Word of God to do so.
Please, oh please, tired mother, wife, single woman trying to do it all...PLEASE don't follow these tracks. Rest in His perfection, rest in His strength, His grace, His unchanging love.
Until next time,
Tiff
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