{allow yourself grace} I forgot.

In allowing myself grace in the area of blogging, I guess...because I forgot to post this Saturday's "Allow Yourself Grace"! Sad thing is, it was only the third Saturday, and I'm forgetting already.
Let me say though, the topic definitely would've been housework, and it's safe to say it might be next week's as well!
Tiff

mom on mom crime...

Breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Co-sleeping or crib sleeping. Cry it out or cuddle it out. Cloth diapers or disposable diapers. Homeschool, public school, or private school. All organic, some organic, mostly processed (but prepared at home), or mostly fast food. Unmedicated, Epidural, or C-Section.

I could go on easily for another five minutes.

The worst part is, even though I feel strongly against parents judging other parents for the above and other choices--which is why I'm sitting here writing this--I found myself choosing where I stand in each area as I wrote it. It's nearly irresistible. I want to believe that my choices are the best choices. I want to say things like "well I _______ because I care about my kids' so much (subtext: "sorry you don't care about your kids enough to do it")."

I like to call this judgement passing and arguing "mom-on-mom crime." I have been the victim and the assailant in many of these situations. It's not good. Sometimes when I think of how I've treated other moms in the past, the little comments or looks because of differences of opinion, I just want to cry...and have.

Let me give a few examples. When my daughter Scarlett was about 6 months old we decided to try cloth diapering. I am very ashamed to say that I made myself right at home up on that high horse, and I always hoped that someone would see her diapers and ask me about it...so I could pat myself on the back for 5 minutes. I knew that when I did that, it probably made my friends who didn't cloth diaper feel uncomfortable or even like they fell short in that area...but it didn't stop me. It took awhile, and a big slap in the face with how arrogant I had become for this to stop.

Another example would be when I was recently told that two of my childbirths were "unnatural" because I had epidurals. Let me set the record straight. When women who have gotten epidurals, inductions or c-sections are made to feel like they don't care as much about their babies as those who have gone med free or had homebirths, I do not handle that well. I think it's very unfair that going med free is now known as "natural childbirth." Having an epidural does not make your birthing experience an abomination. It is not an unnatural way to have a child, nor is a c-section or an induction. Side note: I was also told recently by another Christian woman that her childbirths were more spiritual because she chose not to "dampen" the spirituality of it with medication. Dude...not cool. On the list of things that irk me most in the world, someone telling me that my Jesus wasn't present during my birthing experiences where I got an epidural is very near the top.

One last example. My husband and I have never chosen the institute the family bed concept. I am not against it at all, so co-sleepers, please don't click that X in the corner. I have always struggled with putting my children ahead of my husband...and even ahead of the Lord in my life. So for us, me choosing to bring my babies into our bed to sleep for an indefinite period of time doesn't sit so well in our marriage, or in my relationship with the Lord. Now, of course, when baby needs to nurse in the night and I fall asleep, there is some co-sleeping that happens there. It's just not a conscious and planned decision to always have our baby in bed with us...that's all. All that being said, I was the black sheep of my breastfeeding support group because of this, and I ultimately stopped going because I couldn't take being left out anymore. Luckily by that time, I was a mom of two and a breastfeeding veteran...but what if I hadn't been? What if I had been a brand new mom who was desperate to breastfeed her baby, but felt shunned by the "experts" I'd been urged to seek out for an unrelated decision?

Breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Co-sleeping or crib sleeping. Cry it out or cuddle it out. Cloth diapers or disposable diapers. Homeschool, public school, or private school. All organic, some organic, mostly processed (but prepared at home), or mostly fast food. Unmedicated, Epidural, or C-Section.

We can coexist. We can be accepting, loving, and encouraging to moms who make different decisions than ourselves. I know we can, because God has been faithful to continuously teach me to strive for this in my own life, and I've seen countless other moms do it. In my opinion, what makes someone a good mom is devoting your time and energy to making sure that your children feel loved; and giving what you have to give. This won't always be 110%, it won't always be organic, it will sometimes come in a bag with golden arches on it, it will sometimes come from a bottle instead of a breast. Give them what you have to give, and point them to Jesus at every opportunity...that's what they will remember as they look back on their lives!

Here's to keeping the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace!

Tiff

{allow yourself grace} patience...

As we speak, my sister and I are trying to manage our 6 crazy kids (two of which are young babies, mind you) by ourselves. Our manly man hubbies are working on my car...again...which I very much appreciate...but I'm finding it super challenging to be patient with my kids right now.

My three year old and I are in a constant battle over naps, and being that I'm not at my house today...well, there was just no hope of her taking a nap. She is a WRECK today; almost as big a wreck as I am after Vacation Bible School everyday this past week, oh and of course the car troubles three (count them...3) days this week! If you know me in person, you know that I am not a quiet person by nature. I wouldn't say I'm tremendously outgoing and talkative or anything, but I'm definitely not quiet. So maaaaaaybe--definitely--I yell at my kids sometimes...and sometimes a lot of times. This is a struggle for me, and has been since my oldest was about 2 (go figure!).

I am giving myself a little grace right now in this area, and resting in His calming presence. I might not always be a quiet, reverent, meek wife and mother, but I believe that the Lord is blessed by my desire and efforts to become one! I also find that each time I lose my temper with the kids, it's a chance to show them I need Jesus, pray with them, and to teach them about grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

Here's to trusting in His faithfulness to complete a good work in me!

Tiff



cool new (and inexpensive) mommy products!

My children and I consider going to wal-mart a very exciting outing. Since we are a one car family at the moment (my hubby is building a hot rod, but I don't really count that as a second family car), you can bet that anytime the kids and I have the car, we'll end up walking around at wal-mart just to get out of the house. That being said, we did that this afternoon. I ended up having to nurse the baby while we were walking around, so we decided to hang out in the baby section. Go figure. Anyway, I came across some products that I thought were pretty amazing, so I thought I'd share them.

Munchkin Easy Squeezy Spoon - $5.76 

I will definitely be using this when little ham starts solids! Perfect for feeding solids while out and about...especially homemade baby food!

BooginHead Reusable Food Pouch - $7.96

I love this! I love those baby food pouches, and now there's a reusable option...again perfect for homemade baby food!

Parent's Choice Stack & Seal Cups - I think these were $1.88 but I can't remember!

I was going to buy these and spaced out, but I'll definitely get them next time. I love that they stack, so I'm not digging through the diaper bag for 3-4 different snack cups for my kids...I can just find the nice tall stack of them!

Playtex SmartStand Universal Lid Holder - $4.98

Oh my goodness. I think I have literally cried because I couldn't find any matching sippy cup & lid combinations before. Nuff said. 

Ziploc Spill Proof Sippy Cups (with twist on lids) - $4.97

These don't have valves, just like those little "take & toss" cups (which I swear by), so I don't know how spill proof they actually are, but I love the twist on lid aspect!

I hope this is helpful! I can't wait to try out some of these products. 

Until next time,

Tiff

a little encouragement when I needed it most...

My girls are in VBS this week (at the church I went to VBS at as a kid...so cool), so I've gotten some much needed fun time with my boys. I can already see it benefiting my 22 month old, and it's definitely benefiting me!

Anyway, yesterday--the first day of VBS--I decided to go have a nice, long, relaxing trip to Target since I only had two kids with me. I figured, one will be sitting in the cart and I'll be wearing the other, so what could go wrong? The answer?? EVERYTHING.

Let's start with the fact that my 2 month old HATESSSS the heat, and it was around 104 degrees. Oh, and fun fact...the air conditioning in our car is broken right now. Fine holiday fun, as you can imagine. So I leisurely strode around Target for all of 3 minutes (long enough to get me a large Diet Coke and my big boy a snack) when my gentle giant just couldn't take the heat anymore. The sound of a thousand banshees being slaughtered burst forth from this child's lungs in supersonic capacities. As I danced around like a buffoon in any way that had previously comforted him and made every combination of every whooshing and shushing noise I could think of--while trying to get him to take his pacifier and put a game on my phone for the cubby--I suddenly felt "the stare" coming at me from every direction.

(You all know what I'm talking about right? The "shut your kid up, I'd like to look at these sporting goods in absolute silence!" or "whew, lady...you are in over your head...maybe you shouldn't go out in public with your children" look.)

I felt a huge surge of pride come over me. "I have four children, and most of the time I enjoy going out in public alone with all of them! How dare these people look at me like this!" Then it hit me. I might not do "the stare" but I definitely get all kinds of puffed up when it's someone else's kid screaming in the middle of the store and mine are behaving well (which--let's be honest--isn't all that much). My distorted version of judgement and pride is no different than the people who feel inconvenienced and offended by a mother nursing her child while they are trying to eat at a restaurant, or the dude who wants to look at ankle weights or fanny packs or whatever at Target in absolute silence. Owned. I get it, Lord. Thanks for the gentle-ish reminder. In those moments, I should be doing what I can to encourage and minister to that mom who is at her wit's end.

It was about 15 minutes later, and Jesse was still going strong with the supersonic banshee howling. I was buying a few small things, including a cheap pack of receiving blankets because I had NOTHING to cover up with to nurse him! For you breastfeeding advocates out there, I definitely don't think women have to cover up to breastfeed, and very often I don't cover up if the outfit I'm wearing allows for maintaining modesty. Well, this outfit did not allow for that, and all I had was a tiny burp cloth, so I bought some blankies to assist me. Holy tangent. Sorry. Anyway, I'm holding Jesse at this point because he just wasn't having the carrier, and I'm checking out with one hand. Meanwhile, my biggun is screaming "HEYYYY" at me over and over because apparently I put the wrong video of trucks on my phone for him, and he starts throwing my phone on the floor (thank the Lord for phone covers) and screaming at me to get it. Bahhhh.

At this point, I'm just dragging. I'm holding the baby with one arm, trying to calm down the toddler with the other arm, and pushing a shopping cart with my stomach. "Just a few more steps until I can sit down and nurse, give cubby a snack, and have a minute of quiet." I was repeating this to myself in my head as I struggled my way to the seating area, when suddenly I felt a hand on my forearm. Two women were standing at the wedding registry kiosks to my left, and one of them had stepped out and stopped me. "It's okay, mama. Don't worry, you're doing great. I remember these days, and now I'm here with my daughter registering for her wedding! Just enjoy these babies right now." I was fighting back tears. I felt so encouraged and like I had my second wind to get through the day, just because this woman took a few seconds to put herself in my shoes and encourage me!

Sometimes we are the "me" in this story, and sometimes we have the chance to be the lovely stranger who chooses selflessness in someone else's moment of need. I wish I could say that I make the effort to do this more often than not, but unfortunately I choose selfishness much of the time. I make much of myself by thinking my time is too valuable to give away. Oh, that I would make much of Jesus and use my time as He did, to reflect God's glory to the world!

Here's to using our precious time on earth to glorify Him!

Tiff

allow yourself grace...

"Allow Yourself Grace" will be a short post every once and awhile on an area I have struggled recently.  I'm hoping it will serve as a reminder for myself and my readers to let go and rest in God's perfection.

Sometimes after a long day, or often times a long stretch of days, I leave my house in shambles and go to bed. I know some of you cringe at the thought of that, but that is an area I allow myself some grace. I urge you, mother in need of rest, to do the same.

His righteousness envelops you perfectly whether you're waking up early to immaculate cleanliness or waking up late to breakfast being cooked by your husband in a messy kitchen.

Sometimes the best way we can serve our families is to allow ourselves to rest, take refuge in his grace, and pick up the slack later.

Here's to losing ourselves in his mercy,

Tiff

am I homemaking for God's glory, or is homemaking my God?

"I'm going to start grinding my own wheat!!", I yelled in excitement as my husband walked through the door. "Um...okaaaaaay. Why, exactly?" He looked even more puzzled than when I told him we weren't buying store bought bread anymore, or when I told him I wasn't feeding the kids cereal for breakfast anymore. His puzzled expression continued as I opened my mouth to give him an explanation as to why I wanted to grind my own wheat, but struggled to find one. The only reason I could give was that I saw it on a blog.

Now let me say that I don't think it's wrong to think something that someone else is doing looks cool or fun, or to try it yourself. Not at all. I love baking homemade bread, and there's nothing bad about that. What can be bad about it is when I want to "win" at it. Catch my drift? When I decide that we WILL NOT buy bread from the store, because I WILL win the mom contest of bread baking...yeah, that's a problem. It's when it turns into coveting that it becomes a problem. Covet isn't a word that we hear much in this day and age, which may be why it may be a bigger problem than ever. I didn't want to grind my own wheat because of a strong personal conviction that it was best for me and my family...I just wanted to get closer to that unattainable (but constantly pursued), made up persona in my mind of the perfect Susie homemaker mom and wife. I am coveting someone else's life.

So where is the line? How do we find that balance? For me it had to be drastic, I had to take a long break from looking at blogs, get off of Facebook completely, and set boundaries for myself with Pinterest. I also had to pray everyday over specific friendships where I started feeling competitive. I'm not recommending this approach to anyone, really. This is what I felt God was leading me to after praying about it and discussing it thoroughly with my husband. What I would recommend is coming up with a short list of discerning questions to hold yourself accountable. Better yet, find a friend or two and hold each other accountable in this area if you all share the struggle.

Here are a few things I consider when I'm discerning my motives in relation to the "mommy blogosphere":

is this going to require a big change to our lifestyle; and if so, have I discussed it with my husband and prayed about it?

For example, I have been guilty of finding a new discipline and chore system on Pinterest or something, and just rushing to implement it without much consideration of everyone else, or even mentioning it to my husband first. For me this is a red flag, since my actions suggest that my motive is hurrying to measure up to what someone else is doing, rather than taking the time to consider what's best for my family.

when I saw this post/pin, was my initial feeling jealousy, covetousness, or inadequacy?

This should be common sense, right? Not so much for me. You're looking at someone who wept at the sight of another mom's perfectly painted red nails on a sewing tutorial, and then promptly painted not only my fingernails and toenails, but both my daughters' as well. Nothing wrong with that...oh, except for the fact that I was seriously coveting someone's FINGERNAILS.

when I look at and go about my daily "to-dos", do I see myself striving to bring glory to God in all I do--no matter what that may be? or do I think completing a checklist I made will earn God's favor?

My standing with a Holy God is not affected by anything I can do. My standing with Him is eternal and bought with the blood of Christ alone!! I just wish I could live out each day in this truth. Instead, I go down rabbit trails to justify my works based living. "If I don't have my husband's laundry put away every day before he gets home, I'm not honoring him...and by not honoring him, I'm not honoring God because the Bible says I should...so God won't be pleased with me unless I get all the laundry 100% done EVERY SINGLE DAY." Does this sound ridiculous? Because it should. There have been times where I make myself right at home in this thought pattern. I claim to believe that I'm saved by grace through faith, but I live as if I'm justified by my works. I measure my worth against a checklist of homemaking tasks (that I have foolishly created from looking at other peoples' lives online), and therefore have made homemaking my God. I trust my own broken heart and mind, and the broken hearts and minds of others to determine my worth, above trusting the inerrant and eternal Word of God to do so.

Please, oh please, tired mother, wife, single woman trying to do it all...PLEASE don't follow these tracks. Rest in His perfection, rest in His strength, His grace, His unchanging love.

Until next time,

Tiff