holiday humility...

Every year. Every single year, we all stress about the holidays and which side of the family we will be with on which day, which side gets Thanksgiving, which side gets Christmas Eve....do we even go to our family holiday dinners at all this year? If you aren't familiar with this stress, well...this blog post might not be for you, but please feel free to keep reading.

A few years ago (and as recent as last holiday season), my husband and I decided we were going to take a stand and "start our own holiday traditions." We decided we weren't going to be guilted into going to family holiday things...that we'd only go if we wanted to. I almost can't bear to read that as I'm typing it (Know that I just deleted and retyped this several times). The thought of my family reading this--and I know some of you will--just makes me want to cry. I'd like to take the time to publicly apologize for this attitude.

Let me hurry and say something real quick like before a bunch of people stop reading. This concept, in and of itself, is not bad at all. I think it is a wonderful idea to start traditions with your spouse and children...wonderful! I also understand that a lot of people have to travel to be with family over the holidays. Choosing not to cough up the expense to do so...well, that is definitely a choice we would have to make quite frequently if our families lived far away. 

What I am referring to, and attempting to repent of, is the attitude that often goes with these decisions; the attitude I have been guilty of acting with many times. I've shared before that I wrestle daily with not making my husband and children the gods of my life. That being said, as icky as this sounds, I don't want to share them with anyone. I want them to love me the most and the best, I want all of their special memories to include me and my husband....and no one else. ick. I hate admitting that, but in the hope of helping someone else realize the danger of this, I'm powering through! I'm also attempting to repent of being inconvenienced by my parents being amazing grandparents. How dare I?! How dare I have the nerve to be anything less than overwhelmed with thankfulness for their generosity and love?

Don't get me wrong. I'm right there with you, moms who read 7 and books n' blogs like it that talk about how spoiled our kids are. I think we should take steps to prevent this, however, being ungrateful and bossing our parents around is NOT the way to go about it. Dishonoring our parents by ordering them to only get our kids one present? Yep, I've done it, and I'm just going to come out and say it...it's disrespectful and ungrateful. On top of that, remember that your kids are watching you relate to your parents. I know. It's frightening.

If you want to set some kind of limit on the presents (which is a good thing, IMO), I implore you to try and come from a place of humility and respect. This is the kind of thing that requires a discussion, not an punctuation-less text saying "only 1 present for little johnny this year plz." I speak from experience. Yep, daughter of the century, right here.

If you read my post, "who do we think we are?", you might remember my talking about my conviction over not continuing to honor my mother and my in-laws as my adult life progresses. So let me pose the question, am I honoring my parents by secretly wanting to leave them out of my kids' special holiday memories and traditions? Personally (and I think this has to be a personal thing), I feel that I'm not. If I say "thanks for raising me, lending me money, helping me figure out how to be a parent (including at 3 in the morning when I am crying to you saying I can't do it), and trying your best to make the holidays special for me my whole life...but...I think we've got it from here. It's time for us to start "our" traditions now," what message is that sending to not only my children, but siblings and other young parents who are watching these actions?

I don't mean to wag my finger at anyone who makes that tough decision to keep the holidays within your new, precious family unit. It is so precious to have that time alone with your husband and kids! This is a conviction that God has heavily placed on my heart, and I don't have the audacity to believe everyone should follow suit. All I know is, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my mom. My husband wouldn't be here if it wasn't for his parents. Our incredible, breathtaking babies wouldn't be here if it weren't for these precious people. In light of this, I feel that including them in the new traditions we hope to build, and continuing to embrace the established traditions is a very practical way we can honor our parents. Honestly, is it that hard to do your own thing and show up at your family events? I promise, it's not as stressful as you might think!

Lastly, I won't tell you how long I sat and wept a while ago over the thought of my kids not wanting to include me in their holidays after they are grown....it's embarrassing. Let's just say you'd think someone died. I can't expect my kids to honor me into adulthood if I don't set that example; and I hope that--by God's grace--my example might resemble someone who is blessed and privileged  by the opportunity to honor my fantastic parents, someone who doesn't let apathy take over in how they relate to and love on those who made my family possible.

I realize there are some out there who will read this and meet it with bitterness toward parents who they feel failed them. All I can say is that if you've ever seen a holiday movie from the 80s or 90s, you know that the holiday season is prime reconciliation material. Give it a go, I think I will...but that's a story for another time.

Here's to creating a culture of honor in Him,

Tiff

{allow yourself grace} mealtime...

Something sad happened as I was creating this post. I was looking for an image of a fancy, elaborate table setting (to use ironically in this post, mind you), and I would say that about two thirds of the images were from blogs that were encouraging other women to set their tables this way in everyday life. I don't mean to point the finger at anyone else, but I will admit that it almost stopped me from writing this post. In that moment, I felt inadequate...not only as a homemaker (I can count on one hand the times I've done an elaborate tablescape, even for holidays), but as a blogger. "No one is going to want to read this. Look at all these other blogs that help women be fancy. That's what people really want, to be told how they should and can improve." This is what was going through my mind as I scrolled through these photos, with this post in mind.

I'm hoping that since insecurity resonated like a giant gong (sorry, my kids are watching Mulan), it means I definitely need to write this post. Every time that has happened in the past, God has been able to use said post to encourage someone. So...do your thang, Jesus. Encourage someone with what follows...please!

Meal time in our household. Where do I begin? I LOVE to cook . Love it. I promise I'm not saying that to sound all domesticated...frankly it re-he-he-heally bothers me that it's now trendy to cook because it's trendy to be vintage and vintage means June Cleaver meets Julia Child. Pardon me for a moment while I gag. If you genuinely love to cook, own it...by all means. If cooking isn't a passion or hobby for you, but you do it anyway...OWN.IT!! That's awesome! Anyway, I digress...Oh yeah, I like to cook.

My gram and mom were and are fantastic cooks. I grew up eating some great food, and I am so blessed to have learned to cook from these women. That being said, last time I checked I had at least 4 kids...maybe more. Sometimes it feels like more. I ADORE that we are blessed with a large family, and I adore this adventure with my husband. I see the gospel everyday in my life, in my home, in my children. What a tremendous blessing! That doesn't mean that it isn't excruciatingly hard sometimes. It.Is.Excruciatingly.Hard.Some.Times. Sometimes I am just completely burnt out and done-zo. When these days/stretches of days come, you can place a safe bet on the fact that I don't feel like making dinner. Heck, sometimes it feels like an enormous chore to feed them cereal for breakfast and PB&J for lunch.

So, do I make dinner anyway, you ask? Um...sometimes. Sometimes my wonderful husband will make us a pot of pasta or pancakes, and sometimes we (bum BUM BUMMMMM)--gasp--eat fast food or grab a 5 dollar pizza. When this happens, I will admit that I don't feel as great about how I am providing for my family, but God faithfully allows me to see that while I may be lacking in the "providing sustenance" department, I am filling my cup in the peace and rest department...things that will overflow on to my family as we eat our Taco Bell. I know fast food/frozen pizza/sandwiches might not puff us up as much as we write them in those little boxes on our meal planning forms, but couldn't that be a good thing? I'm much more equipped to show my children the enveloping grace and sufficiency of Christ in my life if I have recently been humbled by admitting that I can't do it all!

Let me say, for the record, my husband takes the family table pretty seriously. I am blessed to be married to a man who longs to sit around our table and make much of Jesus as a family as much as possible. I don't always share this same longing, but it sure is a fun little way to practice that submissive spirit! ;) Even on those nights when our dinner might not be the most nutritious, and may not have been prepared with love in our own kitchen; rather than wallowing in guilt and feeling like a failure, I try to rest in my Jesus' unchanging love for me, and sit around the table with my better half and my 4 gorgeous babies and consume together, with love, the food God has so graciously provided...even if it doesn't include homemade bread or anything organic.

One more quick thing. I know some families are crazy busy, and can't always eat around the table together. While I would encourage everyone to try and make that a priority, please don't feel like there is any judgement here. For us, it's really only been the last couple years that we've, by the grace of God, been able to make it a pretty steady tradition in our home. Also, there are still plenty of nights this doesn't happen for whatever reason...we just try. That's good enough for us.

Oh, and sometimes we use paper plates and stuff. errmahgerrsh. I know.

Here's to being thankful, rather than egotistical, when it comes to our meals!

Tiff

{letting your husband lead you, part 2} submission: antiquated and oppressing, or timeless and freeing?

Believe it or not, I am not always a submissive and respectful wife. I'll pause for a second to let that sink in, because I know how shocking it is.

It's been a minute since I've posted anything, and it's because it has taken weeks of thought and prayer for me to be comfortable posting on this topic. I want to portray Biblical submission correctly, and that is a tall order. I'd like to start by talking about the more contemporary view of submission, because until a couple years ago, it was where I camped.

Chances are, if you ask someone who isn't a Christian or someone who goes to a more emergent (emergent: adj a church that focuses on being less institutionalized) Christian church, they will see this concept as a bit outdated or irrelevant. In fact, most people who attend a more traditional Christian church might even be leaning in that direction. I'm not sure, but I would guess that it stems from the fact that nobody wants to be bossed around. Husbands don't want to be told to sacrificially love their wives and give themselves up, or be commanded to cleanse their wives with the Word. In turn, wives don't want to be subject to their husbands. Therefore, "submission" begins to look like domineering husbands controlling their silently reverent wives. I get how that picture of marriage isn't widely accepted in today's society. I get it. Submission just doesn't come naturally to any of us, right?

The problem with living by that logic is that what does come natural to us is sin. When Jesus spoke about dying to self and taking up our cross, well...to me that speaks volumes about not doing what comes naturally to us! Submission doesn't come naturally to me (fo sheezy), but I trust that as I am sanctified by the Holy Spirit and made more like Jesus, that my will (what I naturally desire) will line up more and more with God's will. This command is defined by the Lord, and confined to what is honoring to Him alone. I think somewhere along the way, this slipped through the cracks of the world's view of a wife's role in the marriage relationship.

So what does submission look like, anyway? It seems to me that a lot of people (myself included) don't bother to find that out before just shrugging this concept off as antiquated. To my knowledge, and in my experience, submission looks like what the world might call "mutual respect." If my husband snaps his fingers at me and I bow my head, cower, and there is a childlike obedience there...that wouldn't be healthy for either of us. I would never feel close to my husband if our relationship worked like this, and what reason would he have to respect me? This model for marriage--Jesus and the church--was given to us for our benefit and to create a safe, intimate, mutually encouraging environment within our marriages. 

It seems that the term "submission" has gotten a bad rap, because it is said by many to be oppressive and dishonoring to women. I can definitely see where this idea came from, but I have found it to be completely contrary to my own experience. The Bible tells women to be subject to their own husbands, whether or not their husbands fulfill the counterpart of this command; which if you think about it, is probably why so many people have a problem with it. In my opinion, that is the beautiful thing about it! It's not saying that we should let our husbands treat us like we're nothing, and never say a word about it. I believe it's just saying what should be the most obvious part of marriage--love your spouse even when they don't deserve it. You can love your spouse the best when they are at their worst. This is how Jesus loves the church. I heard a very wise pastor say this once, and I was flabbergasted that it hadn't occurred to me before! 

Additionally, if we look at the part addressed to husbands, it is the most beautiful picture of love there is. Wives, shouldn't we be eternally thankful that God didn't place a condition on that part of it? "Love your wife like Jesus loves the church....if she deserves it." It sends shivers down my spine. Nobody deserves to be loved like that, therein lies the gospel of Jesus Christ! 

Godly, Biblical submission (in my experience) looks something like this. If there is an area that I'm not seeing eye to eye with my husband, and what he is asking of me isn't dishonoring to God, I humbly lay my own desires aside (which in and of itself is honoring to God, and commanded by God) and show my husband love and respect with my actions...even if the honorable judge ME has decided he doesn't deserve it. 

What submission might look like:

My husband points me to the Lord when my focus or worship has shifted.

My husband holds me accountable in my relationship with Jesus. 

My husband holds me accountable in my stewardship.

I strive not to undermine his Godly authority over our household.

I don't argue with him in front of our children, and try not to be argumentative in general.

I approach disagreements with him from a place of respect and humility. 

I try not to use my emotions to manipulate him.

What submission is not:

I never give my opinion.

I only speak when spoken to.

My husband makes every decision for our family on his own.

My husband never has to lift a finger to help.

I blindly agree with everything he says and does.

I do not speak up for myself when my husband dishonors me, or asks something of me that is dishonoring to God.

I don't express my feelings to him.

(Please hear me that when I say "I, Me, My husband" in these examples...I'm not actually pointing to my own life...except that my husband is an amazing, Godly man who almost always does his part right! )

To close, I'd like to share a few insights from people much wiser than myself.

"A wife flourishes with a loving husband, and a husband becomes courageous with a respectful wife."

-Mark Driscoll, "Real Marriage"

"Submission is not the husband's to command, but for the wife to willingly and lovingly offer."

-John MacArthur, Commentary on Ephesians 5

"For husbands to love their wives as Christ does His church, demands a purifying love. Since divine love seeks to completely cleanse those who are loved from every form of sin and evil, a Christian husband should not be able to bear the thought of anything sinful in the life of his wife that displeases God. His greatest desire for her should be that she become perfectly conformed to Christ, so he leads her to purity."

-John MacArthur, Commentary on Ephesians 5

Here's to lovingly offering our submission, in hopes of allowing our husbands to be courageous and love us with a purifying, cleansing love! 

Tiff

who do we think we are?

Is it just me, or does it seem that in this generation of moms (myself included), we think we know everything and that we are the only generation of moms who really want what is best for our children?

Take the "whole food" phenomenon that has swept the nation in the past few years. I just want to cry sometimes when I hear/see a mom feeling guilty that she isn't doing all natural/organic/vegan/gluten free/sugar free/taste free/fun free diet with her kids. Two thoughts plague me when I see something like this going on.

First, I feel like tracking down all the braggarts who claim that they care more about their kids because they spend $500 a week on food...and I just feel like giving them my two cents. "Your parenting choices do NOT make you better or worse than anyone else. Bragging about how healthy you are is totally tacky and rude...and even though people 'like' your brags posts, I guarantee they are subsequently--if not simultaneously--rolling their eyes. Get over yourself." Disclaimer: Sometimes, I'd be saying this to a mirror...but lately we eat about 99% inorganic food (some of it is even--gaaaasssssp--processed {oh the horror!!!}) ...and guess what...we're all still kickin. 

The end of my disclaimer brings me to my second plaguing thought in these situations. I have to wonder how these kids' grandparents are feeling about how they raised these bragging moms and dads....because I'd wager that roughly 84% of them were not raised on raw milk or kale salads or chia seed smoothies.

My husband and I were both raised by single moms...who are amazing women, by the way. We both feel that our moms did a great job of teaching us balance. We ate lots of filling, well balanced, home cooked meals AND fast food; we ate raisin bran AND cinnamon toast crunch; we ate white bread AND wheat bread. We were served and loved by wonderful mothers who provided nourishment for us from the time they were pregnant with us, to...well, they still cook for us frequently!

Would I be obeying the commandment ("the first commandment with a promise" in the words of the apostle Paul) to Honor my mother by showing her that not only am I not thankful and pleased with how she raised me; but also,having the audacity to imply that I care more about my children than she cared about me....because the ONLY sweetener my kids ingest is organic honey?? (What the heck is that, anyway? How do they tell which bees are organic?) WHO DO WE THINK WE ARE?!

Take a moment today, and give yourself--and the woman who raised you--some grace. Aren't we all given the same impossible love for our children? Don't we all want to do right by them, and do what we believe is best? Isn't it okay if we all have different ideas as to what that looks like? I'm saying this to myself first. Self...next time, before you rush to post something that's a little braggy, consider whether or not I'm honoring my own mother and how she raised me; then consider whether or not this is going to make someone else feel like they aren't measuring up to the virtual world they see.

Here's to breathing encouragement upon one another as we await our precious bridegroom!

Tiff

{letting your husband lead you} new series

The ebb and flow of biblical hierarchy in the home is something my husband and I have worked on constantly and consistently for years.  As with most prescribed things in the Bible, it doesn't seem to just come naturally to anyone...but is completely worth the effort.

Lately I've read in several different places something that disturbs me a little bit, so I wanted to address it in Part 1 of a series called "letting your husband lead you." Disclaimer: I am not claiming to be any kind of authority in this area. Just the opposite, I struggle in this area more than you could imagine. Along the lines of most things on this blog, I'm writing this for my own benefit, and hoping and praying someone else might be encouraged by it. 

What I've seen that disturbs me is the notion that we shouldn't "burden" our husbands with the fact that we have hard days at home with the kids. It's widely suggested in the mommy blogosphere that our calling as wives is to create a peaceful, idyllic, problem free sanctuary for our husbands to come home to each day. Now, don't get me wrong, I do feel that I am instructed in the Word to keep my home well, and that Proverbs 31 was written as a type of guide for me as a wife and mother...in which is does talk about my husband trusting me completely. I do believe all of this, for sure. What I'm not really jumping on board with is that it's a burden for my husband to bear my troubles.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:22 - 33

My husband is instructed here to give himself up for me, to sanctify me, to cleanse me with the Word, to love me as he loves his own body. So let me present this food for thought. If he is to do all of these things in order to lead me, so that I can submit to him the way I am called to, how is it a good thing for me to hide myself from him? If I hide the fact that I am struggling and overwhelmed with our children when he comes home, I am denying him the chance to give himself up for me. If my husband is out of town and I am lonely and exhausted from dealing with everything on my own for a few days, shouldn't I express to him that he is in fact needed here? Or should I deny him the opportunity to love me as he loves his own body and say "everything is fine here, honey" through my teeth? 

Again, I'm not saying it's a bad thing to provide our husbands a place of rest when they come home from a long day at work. Not. At. All. I pray daily that the Lord will grant me the strength and selflessness to do just that. What I am saying is that some of the most precious moments in my marriage have been the times my wonderful husband has held me and prayed over me while I wept with complete abandon in his strong arms, or the times when I was just done-zo...hating the entire world...just done with everything, and my husband listened carefully and cleansed me with wisdom from the Word. 

There are times for holding back, out of love for him and appreciation for his being under tremendous amounts of stress. There are times when we are just being silly and emotional, and need to just pray through things ourselves, rather than feeding the monster by involving someone else in our silliness. I believe we have the ability to discern these situations. Please, oh please, don't keep part of your heart from your husband under the guise of being the Proverbs 31 woman! There is a balance that allows me to encourage him and let him rest and fill his cup, all the while embracing his God given strength and desire to bear my burdens...the way Christ bore ours on the cross. 

Here's to finding that balance, and resting in God's grace where the balance is lost...

Tiff

no keurig? streamline your morning coffee routine!

sometimes, people want Keurig coffee makers. sometimes people don't get to have them (poor little me moment). 

In all seriousness, I'd love to have the convenience of a single serve coffee maker, but it's just not in the cards right now....so, most of the time I brew coffee sometime around 10 or 11 in the morning instead of when I wake up. This is obviously fine, but not ideal for me. 

I am not--let me repeat as to properly emphasize my tone--naaawwwwttt a morning person. I almost always wake up later than I was planning, and I'm almost always zombie-ing around the first hour or two of the day (only instead of slowly growling for brains, I'm growling for coffee). I decided to experiment with ways to get me my brains coffee a little sooner. 

Oh, and for good measure, here's my almost 2 year old running around in his diaper eating a pop tart. Breakfast.Of.Champions.

First, I decided to get super creative. I filled my filter with the right amount of coffee, then twisted the top closed and secured with a twist tie (tip: start saving twist ties off of things!). The result was a very weak cup of coffee. Drinkable, but not strong enough to de-zombie me. Here's what I finally landed on.

What you'll need:

A dinosaur of a coffee maker...at least 500 years old is best. 

(I kid, this is actually a pretty decent machine. She was a handsome woman back in her day.)

Coffee. Duh. I use half cheapo & half fanciful beans, which I grind to perfection myself. I know. How does she do it?

A container that will accommodate your coffee filters without cramping their style.

So...basically, you're just going to pre-fill your filters with the right amount of coffee and stack them in a container. Then close the container. When you want some coffee, open the container. Pull one out. Put it in your dinosaur coffee maker. Close the container. 

I'm not loving the word "container" anymore.

Anyway, you will of course want to froof up your coffee with some cream and sugar, right? Well, I'm digging the homemade coffee creamer right now. Just use a can of sweetened condensed milk, 1.5 - 2 cups of milk (try coconut milk instead of regular....NOMMM), and your flavors. My favorites so far are chocolate & caramel with coconut milk (samoas, anyone?), and vanilla caramel.

 Until next time!

Tiff

techie-mama: rig up a video baby monitor for free...

So I've always wanted one of those video baby monitors, but I have a regular baby monitor so I can never justify buying one. Well, the other day my sweet little moose was napping on my bed, and he can roll over now so I got a little paranoid. I decided to get savvy. I signed into my hubby's Google+ account on my computer, and my Google+ account on my Android phone. By doing this, I was able to start a "hangout", and use the video chat feature to monitor my baby buddy while he slept in the other room. Awesome. Now, if you do this, MAKE SURE TO PLUG IN YOUR PHONE. It will perish in a blaze of glory in about 20 minutes if you don't (I mean the battery will die). Oh, and turn your computer's hibernate/sleep settings to "never" while you're doing this...otherwise your monitor will turn off, or your screen saver will come on, which defeats the purpose.

Skype's free video call feature could be used in the same way. The key with either service is having two accounts to sign into.

My husband might flip because I'm saying this (to put it delicately, apple products aren't his favesies), but you hip apple peeps could use your iPhones and iPads--come on, you know you have both--and do a little face time baby monitoring! Pretty sweet. Also, you could probably ask Siri to babysit, but I'm sure she charges outlandish rates...she is, after all, made by apple. :P

Until next time,

Tiff