{letting your husband lead you} new series

The ebb and flow of biblical hierarchy in the home is something my husband and I have worked on constantly and consistently for years.  As with most prescribed things in the Bible, it doesn't seem to just come naturally to anyone...but is completely worth the effort.

Lately I've read in several different places something that disturbs me a little bit, so I wanted to address it in Part 1 of a series called "letting your husband lead you." Disclaimer: I am not claiming to be any kind of authority in this area. Just the opposite, I struggle in this area more than you could imagine. Along the lines of most things on this blog, I'm writing this for my own benefit, and hoping and praying someone else might be encouraged by it. 

What I've seen that disturbs me is the notion that we shouldn't "burden" our husbands with the fact that we have hard days at home with the kids. It's widely suggested in the mommy blogosphere that our calling as wives is to create a peaceful, idyllic, problem free sanctuary for our husbands to come home to each day. Now, don't get me wrong, I do feel that I am instructed in the Word to keep my home well, and that Proverbs 31 was written as a type of guide for me as a wife and mother...in which is does talk about my husband trusting me completely. I do believe all of this, for sure. What I'm not really jumping on board with is that it's a burden for my husband to bear my troubles.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:22 - 33

My husband is instructed here to give himself up for me, to sanctify me, to cleanse me with the Word, to love me as he loves his own body. So let me present this food for thought. If he is to do all of these things in order to lead me, so that I can submit to him the way I am called to, how is it a good thing for me to hide myself from him? If I hide the fact that I am struggling and overwhelmed with our children when he comes home, I am denying him the chance to give himself up for me. If my husband is out of town and I am lonely and exhausted from dealing with everything on my own for a few days, shouldn't I express to him that he is in fact needed here? Or should I deny him the opportunity to love me as he loves his own body and say "everything is fine here, honey" through my teeth? 

Again, I'm not saying it's a bad thing to provide our husbands a place of rest when they come home from a long day at work. Not. At. All. I pray daily that the Lord will grant me the strength and selflessness to do just that. What I am saying is that some of the most precious moments in my marriage have been the times my wonderful husband has held me and prayed over me while I wept with complete abandon in his strong arms, or the times when I was just done-zo...hating the entire world...just done with everything, and my husband listened carefully and cleansed me with wisdom from the Word. 

There are times for holding back, out of love for him and appreciation for his being under tremendous amounts of stress. There are times when we are just being silly and emotional, and need to just pray through things ourselves, rather than feeding the monster by involving someone else in our silliness. I believe we have the ability to discern these situations. Please, oh please, don't keep part of your heart from your husband under the guise of being the Proverbs 31 woman! There is a balance that allows me to encourage him and let him rest and fill his cup, all the while embracing his God given strength and desire to bear my burdens...the way Christ bore ours on the cross. 

Here's to finding that balance, and resting in God's grace where the balance is lost...

Tiff